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ARTICLE
LOW SELF-ESTEEM IN KIDS PART II: 3 WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD NOW
by James Lehman, MSW  When a child has low self-esteem, many parents search endlessly for ways to make them feel better about themselves. They compliment their child for minor accomplishments or lower the standards to make them feel better, and nothing changes. They want to fix the problem now, when in reality, they should be coaching their child on how they can overcome their issues on their own. In Part II of our series on Self-esteem and Kids, James Lehman, MSW explains the three key roles you can play to help your child develop genuine self-esteem.
Self-esteem is a very funny, and oftentimes elusive, quality. I think of it as the feeling that things are going to work out all right, that you can manage the bumps in the road, that you respect yourself, and that you can ultimately accomplish what you set out to do. It’s easy for kids to get derailed in their thinking because they are meeting so many challenges on a daily basis.
The sad fact is, many kids who don’t have appropriate limits set around their behavior act out, and take out their low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness on others.
If your child has low self-esteem, it’s not about what you can say as a parent. The truth is, you can’t say any one thing to make their situation better. Instead, you have to have an organized approach to how you’re going to help your child manage their lack of self-worth—because this is a problem they need to solve in life, just like coming home on time and meeting basic responsibilities.
So the next question becomes, “What should my role be?” I’ve long taught parents about the three critical roles they should take on in order to help their children feel positively about themselves. They are: the “Teaching Role,” the “Coaching Role,” and the “Limit-Setting Role.” These roles help parents:
The Teaching Role: The Teaching Role is just what it sounds like—you actually teach your child how to solve problems. So when you see that your child isn’t feeling good about himself, one of the things you want to do immediately is help him figure out what’s causing that lack of self-worth. You’re not looking for an answer like, “I had a tough time when I was three.” You want to find out what’s going on now, what happened today. And then find out what they need to do to address the problem. Are they late on an assignment, is someone picking on them at school, or did they do something they’re not proud of?
The whole idea of life is to get to a point with your emotions where you can experience them, but also put them in their proper place while you do the things you have to do. So, if we go to work and we’re angry or we’re sad or we’re frustrated, we put that to the side and do our job. That’s our task. And by the way, that’s another skill kids have to master in life, and it’s also another self-esteem builder.
Here’s the deal: you can’t solve a problem if you don’t identify it accurately. If your carburetor’s broken and the mechanic says it’s a piston, he’s not going to be able to fix your car. Part of the teaching role is helping your child define the problem. So it’s learning what you do when somebody tells you “no.” For a child, that’s a problem. What do you do when you get an answer wrong in class and you feel dumb because of it? That feeling of low self-worth can also be looked at as a problem. Kids need to learn how to solve those problems and master the feelings that accompany them. If they can do that as they grow up, they’ll be able to solve bigger and bigger problems, which will in turn breed self-confidence.
The Coaching Role: The second step is to coach your child with the skills they already have, just like the coach of a sport would do. For example, if your child is going through a difficult time or learning a new task that’s proving to be a challenge for them, try coaching them by saying things like, “You’ve solved this kind of problem before. You’ll solve it again.” “What did you do last time that worked for you then?” Or, “You’ve handled this kind of thing before, Sean, it’s going to be okay.” You might say, “Jessica, you’re doing okay with life. This is just another thing you have to deal with. This was hard for me too, at your age. But I really believe that you can do this. I’ve seen you do other hard things.” And of course, one of the most important things you can ever ask your child: “How can I be of help? What would you find helpful from me right now?” That statement gives a child a sense of control. And if he or she says, “It would be helpful for me if you left me alone,” you can respond with, “OK, but you know where I’ll be if you want to talk about this.” How will you know if your child really needs to talk about this problem? By their behavior and attitude. If kids refuse to talk about an issue but act out behaviorally or attitudinally, that behavior has to be challenged.
The Limit-Setting Role: The limits for your child should be very clear, even when they’re having self-esteem issues. So you can say, “I’m sorry if you’re sad or frustrated, or don’t feel good about yourself right now, but we’re not going to lose sight of the fact that you have to do your homework. That’s your job.” Or, “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, but you can’t take out your anger and frustration on your sister.” Give your child appropriate consequences, but work with him to learn how to solve the problem that’s blocking him. The sad fact is, many kids who don’t have appropriate limits set around their behavior act out, and take out their low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness on others. Without limits and consequences, without that balance of responsibility and accountability, kids may never feel compelled to change and may get stuck in the same “feel bad, take it out on others” cycle, which doesn’t solve their problem.
When Kids with Low Self-Esteem Act Out to Solve Their Problems
When kids don’t have appropriate limits placed upon them, the acting out behavior they’re using to solve their problems becomes a pattern. In fact, the way these kids learn how to have control and mastery over their lives is by acting out.
So misbehaving becomes their problem-solving skill, because when they’ve got a problem they can’t deal with, they misbehave and strike out at others. Yes, kids with low self-esteem feel difficult feelings—but so does everybody else, all the time. As a parent, your job is to teach them how to deal with their emotions as best you can. I don’t care if your child is on medication, I don’t care if he has a disability of some kind. If he doesn’t learn how to identify and solve the problem that’s confronting him, not only is the inappropriate behavior going to continue, but so will the low self-esteem. Believe me, this will have consequences during the course of your child’s entire life.
Realize that there is some place in an out-of-control child’s mind where they know this isn’t really right. They think they’re weird and they think they’re bad. When I say to a kid, “Well, you know, you get in trouble a lot but your brother doesn’t. Why do you think that is?” And they say, “Well, he’s a goody-goody. That’s why.” If you get right down to it, what that child is saying is that there’s something wrong with him, and he’s angry about it. And so the acting out masks that self-perception and makes him feel more in control.
Make no bones about it: for kids who act out to solve their problems, your role is the same: Teach, Coach and Set Limits.
By the way, you also need to accept the fact that your child is going to feel bad pretty frequently, that they are going to have bad days and good days. Don’t think you have to fix all of that—because you don’t and you can’t, even if you wanted to. It’s just that simple. Many parents get into useless conflicts with their kids because they’re trying to fix their child’s emotional state, instead of teaching their child how to deal with it themselves by coaching them through their problems and setting limits around their behavior.
The truth is that dealing with adversity of any kind develops self-esteem, whether it’s completing a difficult assignment, managing your emotions when you feel frustrated, or failing a test and being able to pick yourself up and try again. If you look around you, you’ll see adults who seem to do OK in life, and you may wonder what their secret is. Here’s the truth: it’s not that they don’t have any problems, it’s that they accept that problems are a part of life. Not only that, but they have a way of trying to manage and solve them that works. If you can teach your child to accept that life has problems and show them ways to deal with those problems, they’ll have a lot more peace of mind. Certainly they’ll feel better than someone who’s trying to make all the problems go away so they can relax—because all the problems are not going away. Feelings of self-esteem lead ultimately to peace of mind, or what we also call “serenity.”
And in the end, serenity comes from the acceptance of problems, not the absence of them.
Empowering Parents is a weekly newsletter, online magazine and blog published by the Legacy Publishing Company. Our goal is to empower people to empower people who parent by providing useful problem-solving techniques to parents and children. For more information, visit www.empoweringparents.com
James Lehman, MSW was a renowned child behavioral therapist who worked with struggling teens and children for three decades. He created the Total Transformation Program to help people parent more effectively. James' foremost goal was to help kids and to "empower parents."
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| From the January 2009 issue of Empowering Parents (http://www.empoweringparents.com) a free online magazine for parents. |
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Ways to help children with low self esteem....
http://www.empoweringparents.com/Low-Self-esteem-in-Kids-Part-II-3-Ways-to-Help-Your-Child-Now.php
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
The Secrets to "Real" Chess
Source: http://www.chesscafe.com/text/real.pdf
From the
Archives
Hosted by
Mark Donlan
[Find us on Facebook.]
Translate this page
From the Archives...
Since it came online in 1996, ChessCafe.com has presented thousands of
articles, reviews, columns and the like for the enjoyment of its worldwide
readership. This high quality material remains available in the ChessCafe.
com Archives. However, we decided that the occasional selection from the
archives posted publicly online might be a welcomed addition to the regular
fare.
Watch for an item to be posted online periodically throughout each month.
We will update the ChessCafe.com home page whenever there has been a
"new" item posted here. We hope you enjoy From the Archives...
ChessCafe.com is pleased to present the first contribution by American
Master Dan Heisman. He is the author of two chess books, Elements of
Positional Evaluation and The Improving Annotator; a third book is
scheduled for November publication. He currently works as a full-time
chess instructor.
The Secrets to "Real" Chess
by Dan Heisman
Recently a student of mine, rated 1100 (a good high school player), played a
tournament in which his playing strength was 1900 (!) for six rounds. He beat
four players higher rated than anyone he had ever beaten before.
As a chess full-time instructor, I was very intrigued as to what had caused this
sudden great jump in playing strength. Could it be attributed to random
chance or just "having a good tournament"? I gave this question considerable
thought, weighing the possible reasons against many of the theories I had
been teaching my students. I finally rejected the "good tournament" idea, even
though I am sure that had a part in it. Instead, I created a two-part explanation
that should be of interest to players rated under 1800 who wish to improve
their game!
Three Levels of Thinking
The first part requires a description of three levels of thinking chess players
use to decide a chess move. The ascendancy through these levels reflect the
maturing of a chess player due to both age and experience.
"FLIP-COIN" Chess – A move is played quickly and without serious
thought. The winner of a game where both players are playing Flip-coin chess
is almost random, and thus I named it after a coin flip. If one player plays Flipcoin chess and the other actually takes time to think, the thoughtful player
almost always wins. Flip-coin players don't use the important guideline "If
you see a good move, look for a better one." Almost all young beginners start
by playing Flip-coin chess; they really aren't interested in playing a serious
game.
It is difficult to give an example of Flip-coin chess because there is really not
much logic to it. The following is taken from my upcoming book, Everyone's
2nd Chess Book, due to be published by Thinker's Press in November:
Purchases from our
chess shop help keep
ChessCafe.com freely
accessible:
The Improving Annotator
by Dan Heisman
The Improving Chess Thinker
by Dan Heisman
Chess Lessons
by Vladimir Popov
From the
Archives
Hosted by
Mark Donlan
[Find us on Facebook.]
Translate this page
From the Archives...
Since it came online in 1996, ChessCafe.com has presented thousands of
articles, reviews, columns and the like for the enjoyment of its worldwide
readership. This high quality material remains available in the ChessCafe.
com Archives. However, we decided that the occasional selection from the
archives posted publicly online might be a welcomed addition to the regular
fare.
Watch for an item to be posted online periodically throughout each month.
We will update the ChessCafe.com home page whenever there has been a
"new" item posted here. We hope you enjoy From the Archives...
ChessCafe.com is pleased to present the first contribution by American
Master Dan Heisman. He is the author of two chess books, Elements of
Positional Evaluation and The Improving Annotator; a third book is
scheduled for November publication. He currently works as a full-time
chess instructor.
The Secrets to "Real" Chess
by Dan Heisman
Recently a student of mine, rated 1100 (a good high school player), played a
tournament in which his playing strength was 1900 (!) for six rounds. He beat
four players higher rated than anyone he had ever beaten before.
As a chess full-time instructor, I was very intrigued as to what had caused this
sudden great jump in playing strength. Could it be attributed to random
chance or just "having a good tournament"? I gave this question considerable
thought, weighing the possible reasons against many of the theories I had
been teaching my students. I finally rejected the "good tournament" idea, even
though I am sure that had a part in it. Instead, I created a two-part explanation
that should be of interest to players rated under 1800 who wish to improve
their game!
Three Levels of Thinking
The first part requires a description of three levels of thinking chess players
use to decide a chess move. The ascendancy through these levels reflect the
maturing of a chess player due to both age and experience.
"FLIP-COIN" Chess – A move is played quickly and without serious
thought. The winner of a game where both players are playing Flip-coin chess
is almost random, and thus I named it after a coin flip. If one player plays Flipcoin chess and the other actually takes time to think, the thoughtful player
almost always wins. Flip-coin players don't use the important guideline "If
you see a good move, look for a better one." Almost all young beginners start
by playing Flip-coin chess; they really aren't interested in playing a serious
game.
It is difficult to give an example of Flip-coin chess because there is really not
much logic to it. The following is taken from my upcoming book, Everyone's
2nd Chess Book, due to be published by Thinker's Press in November:
Purchases from our
chess shop help keep
ChessCafe.com freely
accessible:
The Improving Annotator
by Dan Heisman
The Improving Chess Thinker
by Dan Heisman
Chess Lessons
by Vladimir Popov
Real Chess,Time Management and Care: Putting it all together
http://www.chesscafe.com/text/heisman10.pdf
Novice Nook
Novice Nook
Dan Heisman
Real Chess,Time Management and
Care:
Putting It All Together
“Your game is only as good as your worst move.” – Dan H. 2001
I commonly run across the sad case of a student who wants to show
me a game containing a new idea they found after careful study on the
9
th move of some variation of the Sicilian, but later lost because they
moved too quickly and overlooked the loss of a piece to a simple
double attack. In the non-chess world this misplaced priority is called
“penny wise and pound foolish.”
When I suggest reviewing the thought process that caused him to lose
the piece, he often brushes it off with a statement such as, “Oh, I just
moved too fast” or “Yeah, I just overlooked his check.” They are
much more interested in my opinion of their new 9th move. I try to
politely say “But you don’t get it! The reason you are 1200 and not
1600 has MUCH more to do with the carelessness or bad time
management that caused you to lose the piece than it does from your
lack of knowledge of the Sicilian.” Want proof? Take a 1600 player
and make him play an opening he never has before in his life – he still
plays close to 1600; take a 1200 and let him play his favorite opening
and he still usually plays like a 1200.
While it is true that most players under 1400 don’t know a great deal
about openings, endgames, or positional play, a great majority of their
games are (or could have been!) lost not because of some opening trap,
bad plan, endgame subtlety, or complex combination, but because of
some basic tactical oversight. That is why the repetitious practice of
basic tactical motifs, in all their guises, is by far the most important
thing you can do when first studying chess.
Learning new patterns is necessary for improvement, but not the only
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way to improve. Ask yourself the following question, “Of all the
games I have lost recently, what percent were lost because of
something I did not know, and what percent were lost due to
something I already knew, but were not careful to look for?”
If you are like most non-advanced players many, if not most, of your
losses are due to a tactical oversight on a pattern that you already
knew: putting a piece en prise, miscounting the safety of a piece,
missing a simple double attack or fork, allowing a back-rank mate, etc.
Since you already are familiar with those tactics, that means either that
you played carelessly, did not practice “Real Chess”, or have no
consistent thinking pattern.
Before I began Novice Nook I wrote an article for ChessCafe.com
titled “The Secrets to Real Chess”, which is available in the archives
(www.chesscafe.com/text/real.txt). I am proud to say this article was
awarded runner-up for Best Web Article of the Year by the Chess
Journalists of America, so if you have not read it, I highly recommend
it. Consequently I wrote another on Time Management
(www.chesscafe.com/text/time.txt), which also contained important
information about how to conduct a game. I will summarize each in a
paragraph below (but the following not contain the entire concepts, so
it will still be helpful to read these articles):
The key to Real Chess is, for the most positions, establishing a safe
Principal Variation (PV) of at least three half-moves (ply) until
quiescence: lack of checks, captures, or threats. A PV is what a chess
program displays in analysis mode: the “best play” for each side. In
order to practice Real Chess, on each move you must at least consider
all your opponent’s checks, captures, and threats on his next move (as
well as yours on this one), so that you can determine this move that
you can safely meet each next move. You never want to be “surprised”
by an opponent’s reply that contains a threat and then discover you
cannot meet it – the result is usually a losing position. So, for each
candidate move that you are considering, you have to put yourself in
your opponent’s shoes and find his best reply – if you can meet any
threats that reply generates, then you have a decent candidate move.
Put it in your pocket because “When you see a good move, look for a
better one.” (Tip: One good way to discover your opponent’s threats
are to assume that you “pass”- make no move – and see what he could
then do to you next move.)
Consider Time Management like the pacing of a marathon runner. A
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good marathon runner would never sprint a quarter mile and then drop
over, nor would he take baby steps to ensure never running short of
breath. Instead he will pace himself to cover the 26+ miles in as little
time as possible, while always preserving enough energy to finish the
race. A good chess player must do the same during slow (normal)
games: he must play slow enough to use almost all of his time, never
playing so fast that he has lots of left over time at the end, nor so slow
that he has to play half his game in the final minute. To play at either
of those wrong paces invites disaster via unnecessarily quick moves,
either sooner or later. Yes, some top players do get into habitual time
trouble, but often it is because their competition is so good that they
feel that on certain moves they need additional time to “stay in the
game.” But most of these top players would tell you they would rather
have more time at the end to play well then, too!
The interesting part about both Real Chess and Time Management is
that both have to be practiced 100% of the time – 98% does not nearly
work. For example, if on 98% of the moves (49/50) you play correctly,
but on one move you decide to just relax and “see what happens”, that
can be a disaster. By missing that one move each game you will
consistently play hundreds of points weaker than your strength would
have been if you had played every move carefully. It is similar with
time – if you play even one move fast that may be enough to cause you
to lose and, if you play too slowly and then have to play quickly
during time pressure (as many top players do), then again just one big
slip at the end may easily be enough to cost you the game.
Playing Real Chess and practicing good time management requires
being careful, but not pedantic. The ratings of two equally
knowledgeable players may be separated by hundreds of points if one
is more careful. A careful player need not be indecisive – those are two
different qualities. But a player who is naturally not careful at other
things may find that in chess that lack of care results in sudden
catastrophes. We all know players who say, “I am 1600 and I was
beating that 1900, but then he got lucky…” The explanation is that the
1600 may be better in all technical phases of the game, but the 1900
may have learned to be careful on all his moves every game, while the
1600 player is one of those 98% types. While this does not explain the
differences between many 1600 and 1900 players (or 1100 and 1400),
it definitely applies to some.
So if you are not the careful type or don’t know how to manage your
time, what can you do?” The following suggestions should help
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● 1. Think for a while about the advice in this column. If you do
not buy into the idea of being careful every move, you are
likely to remain below your potential. The first step to
improvement is usually recognizing the problem – a state of
denial won’t help. Open-minded bright players who realize they
are making mistakes and try to minimize/correct those mistakes
improve more rapidly than stubborn geniuses.
● 2. Learn to pace yourself. Figure out approximately how much
time you have for each move before the game starts. For
example, if you are playing an on-line game with a “30/30”
time limit (30 minutes with a 30 second increment), do the
following math: the average game takes about 35 moves, so use
40 to be conservative. In this case you have 30x60 + 30x40 =
3000 seconds to make 40 moves, or 75 seconds per move. In
reality, you should have more time than this for each “thinking”
move, because hopefully you will know a couple of moves in
the opening and sometimes you may have positions with only
one legal move, etc. Should you take 75 seconds on each of the
other moves? Of course not – some tactical positions may
require 5 or even (rarely) 10 minutes of thought, while a
developing move or recapture may only take 5-20 seconds. It is
important to take more time on moves which are likely to
decide the game – taking 3 minutes to decide which Rook to
move to d1 in the opening and then leaving yourself only 2
minutes to play the entire endgame is just silly. If it looks like
the game is going to be a long one, start speeding up; if the
game is sharp and it looks as though someone will probably be
up a piece at move 25, slow down and try to raise the
probability that it will be you up a piece – hopefully you can
play a little quicker and still win once you are way ahead (if
not, refer to last month’s Novice Nook). If you roughly estimate
the time per move a few times you probably never have to do it
again – you will learn to pace yourself just from experience. At
the very least, when playing over-the-board write down your
remaining time after each move: if it looks like you have lots of
time, slow down, and if looks as though you are running out of
time, start to speed up. Simple advice, but it works!
● 3. Your opponent’s previous move should never contain any
“secrets”! If you take your time and look around, sometimes
you might be surprised at how it changed the position and what
kind of measures you should be considering.
● 4. Play each move and each game with pride, care, and
optimism:
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Pride because your game represents your
accomplishment, and each move should be a
representation of the best thoughts you have about the
position, which you are hopefully proud to show
everyone.
Care because without care you probably won’t be so
proud. Examples of playing with care: taking your time,
looking for the total effect of your opponent’s moves,
creating a PV of at least 3 (on most moves) and, “If you
see a good move – look for a better one!”
Optimism because chess is a mental game and if you
feel you are going to make bad moves or play a bad
game you will probably make it a self-fulfilling
prophecy! In the first game that I ever played a master
my thoughts were not “I am probably going to lose,” but
rather “I’ll do the best I can and see what happens.” I
won.
● 5. Use a “Sanity Check” before making each move. A sanity
check is easily defined for over-the-board play: after you decide
on your move, write it down and take a deep breath or close
your eyes for a second. Then take a fresh look at the board and
say to yourself, “Is my planned move insane? Will the piece be
safe? Am I just missing an easy checkmate - for me or him?
Can someone just capture a Queen instead?” etc. If you then
still don’t see anything, make your move and hit your clock. On
the Internet, a similar thing can be tried – once you have
decided on your move, then close your eyes for second and
then do the sanity check.
● 6. Tactics is the science of chess safety. You can go a long way
being careful and just concentrating on two things: safety and
activity. And these two are really related because you keep
pieces safe so that they can do something and you if pieces are
not doing anything it is almost as if they were not safe and you
lost them. You will be surprised what your army can do when it
is safe and all the pieces are doing something.
● 7. Unless you are really good already, don’t fool yourself into
thinking you don’t need to do any of this. If you never make a
bad mistake in a slow game, maybe you are that good already.
But I have a hunch that a high percentage of my readers would
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be much better if they just paced themselves better and played
more carefully than if they study 100 more opening books.
After I wrote the initial “Secret to Real Chess” article I got email from all over the world saying things similar to, “Thanks!
In 20 years I never realized what it took to play good chess, and
now I do.” Of course, knowing what to do is not at all the same
as doing it.
A caveat: Will doing all the above make you an expert or master? Not
very likely! If it were that easy, then lots of players would be really
good. All that other stuff with openings, endgames, positional play,
planning, combinations, etc. is still required to attain high level play. It
is just that without instigating “real chess” and decent time
management, none of the other stuff will matter much. As logicians
like to say, “It is necessary but not sufficient.” Once you are
consistently careful and want to improve steadily, finding a good
instructor will help you learn the “good” stuff better and more
efficiently. No one ever got real good without any help – and no book
can look at a game you played and tell you what you are doing wrong
(but if it is a tactical mistake, using a software program can identify
those errors.)
Note to those who believe that learning opening lines is more
important than understanding opening principles: if your opponent
takes you out of your book and you first thought is not just to complete
your development – including castling – then maybe you should take a
couple of hours to review those principles instead of several dozen
hours to learn another opening line. Many of my students know their
openings better than I know them -and they must have spent a lot of
hours learning them - but then are at a complete loss when their
opponent inevitably varies. I got my rating up to 1900 before I learned
a great deal about specific opening lines and so did many other strong
players, but almost all of us knew quite a bit about tactics and general
opening principles, and we all played carefully on each move.
Last Month's Novice Nook: If someone asked me “What would be
your most likely 7th common chess state?” it would be a queenless
middlegame – can you think of some guidelines for that one?
Saavedra
Sometimes when I write a “talky” column, I like to throw in a problem
or a question from a reader (please e-mail!) to end on a lighter note. In
an early Novice Nook, I showed what might be the three most famous
file:///C|/Cafe/heisman/heisman.htm (6 of 9) [11/19/2001 8:55:48 PM]
Novice Nook
Novice Nook
Dan Heisman
Real Chess,Time Management and
Care:
Putting It All Together
“Your game is only as good as your worst move.” – Dan H. 2001
I commonly run across the sad case of a student who wants to show
me a game containing a new idea they found after careful study on the
9
th move of some variation of the Sicilian, but later lost because they
moved too quickly and overlooked the loss of a piece to a simple
double attack. In the non-chess world this misplaced priority is called
“penny wise and pound foolish.”
When I suggest reviewing the thought process that caused him to lose
the piece, he often brushes it off with a statement such as, “Oh, I just
moved too fast” or “Yeah, I just overlooked his check.” They are
much more interested in my opinion of their new 9th move. I try to
politely say “But you don’t get it! The reason you are 1200 and not
1600 has MUCH more to do with the carelessness or bad time
management that caused you to lose the piece than it does from your
lack of knowledge of the Sicilian.” Want proof? Take a 1600 player
and make him play an opening he never has before in his life – he still
plays close to 1600; take a 1200 and let him play his favorite opening
and he still usually plays like a 1200.
While it is true that most players under 1400 don’t know a great deal
about openings, endgames, or positional play, a great majority of their
games are (or could have been!) lost not because of some opening trap,
bad plan, endgame subtlety, or complex combination, but because of
some basic tactical oversight. That is why the repetitious practice of
basic tactical motifs, in all their guises, is by far the most important
thing you can do when first studying chess.
Learning new patterns is necessary for improvement, but not the only
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way to improve. Ask yourself the following question, “Of all the
games I have lost recently, what percent were lost because of
something I did not know, and what percent were lost due to
something I already knew, but were not careful to look for?”
If you are like most non-advanced players many, if not most, of your
losses are due to a tactical oversight on a pattern that you already
knew: putting a piece en prise, miscounting the safety of a piece,
missing a simple double attack or fork, allowing a back-rank mate, etc.
Since you already are familiar with those tactics, that means either that
you played carelessly, did not practice “Real Chess”, or have no
consistent thinking pattern.
Before I began Novice Nook I wrote an article for ChessCafe.com
titled “The Secrets to Real Chess”, which is available in the archives
(www.chesscafe.com/text/real.txt). I am proud to say this article was
awarded runner-up for Best Web Article of the Year by the Chess
Journalists of America, so if you have not read it, I highly recommend
it. Consequently I wrote another on Time Management
(www.chesscafe.com/text/time.txt), which also contained important
information about how to conduct a game. I will summarize each in a
paragraph below (but the following not contain the entire concepts, so
it will still be helpful to read these articles):
The key to Real Chess is, for the most positions, establishing a safe
Principal Variation (PV) of at least three half-moves (ply) until
quiescence: lack of checks, captures, or threats. A PV is what a chess
program displays in analysis mode: the “best play” for each side. In
order to practice Real Chess, on each move you must at least consider
all your opponent’s checks, captures, and threats on his next move (as
well as yours on this one), so that you can determine this move that
you can safely meet each next move. You never want to be “surprised”
by an opponent’s reply that contains a threat and then discover you
cannot meet it – the result is usually a losing position. So, for each
candidate move that you are considering, you have to put yourself in
your opponent’s shoes and find his best reply – if you can meet any
threats that reply generates, then you have a decent candidate move.
Put it in your pocket because “When you see a good move, look for a
better one.” (Tip: One good way to discover your opponent’s threats
are to assume that you “pass”- make no move – and see what he could
then do to you next move.)
Consider Time Management like the pacing of a marathon runner. A
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good marathon runner would never sprint a quarter mile and then drop
over, nor would he take baby steps to ensure never running short of
breath. Instead he will pace himself to cover the 26+ miles in as little
time as possible, while always preserving enough energy to finish the
race. A good chess player must do the same during slow (normal)
games: he must play slow enough to use almost all of his time, never
playing so fast that he has lots of left over time at the end, nor so slow
that he has to play half his game in the final minute. To play at either
of those wrong paces invites disaster via unnecessarily quick moves,
either sooner or later. Yes, some top players do get into habitual time
trouble, but often it is because their competition is so good that they
feel that on certain moves they need additional time to “stay in the
game.” But most of these top players would tell you they would rather
have more time at the end to play well then, too!
The interesting part about both Real Chess and Time Management is
that both have to be practiced 100% of the time – 98% does not nearly
work. For example, if on 98% of the moves (49/50) you play correctly,
but on one move you decide to just relax and “see what happens”, that
can be a disaster. By missing that one move each game you will
consistently play hundreds of points weaker than your strength would
have been if you had played every move carefully. It is similar with
time – if you play even one move fast that may be enough to cause you
to lose and, if you play too slowly and then have to play quickly
during time pressure (as many top players do), then again just one big
slip at the end may easily be enough to cost you the game.
Playing Real Chess and practicing good time management requires
being careful, but not pedantic. The ratings of two equally
knowledgeable players may be separated by hundreds of points if one
is more careful. A careful player need not be indecisive – those are two
different qualities. But a player who is naturally not careful at other
things may find that in chess that lack of care results in sudden
catastrophes. We all know players who say, “I am 1600 and I was
beating that 1900, but then he got lucky…” The explanation is that the
1600 may be better in all technical phases of the game, but the 1900
may have learned to be careful on all his moves every game, while the
1600 player is one of those 98% types. While this does not explain the
differences between many 1600 and 1900 players (or 1100 and 1400),
it definitely applies to some.
So if you are not the careful type or don’t know how to manage your
time, what can you do?” The following suggestions should help
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● 1. Think for a while about the advice in this column. If you do
not buy into the idea of being careful every move, you are
likely to remain below your potential. The first step to
improvement is usually recognizing the problem – a state of
denial won’t help. Open-minded bright players who realize they
are making mistakes and try to minimize/correct those mistakes
improve more rapidly than stubborn geniuses.
● 2. Learn to pace yourself. Figure out approximately how much
time you have for each move before the game starts. For
example, if you are playing an on-line game with a “30/30”
time limit (30 minutes with a 30 second increment), do the
following math: the average game takes about 35 moves, so use
40 to be conservative. In this case you have 30x60 + 30x40 =
3000 seconds to make 40 moves, or 75 seconds per move. In
reality, you should have more time than this for each “thinking”
move, because hopefully you will know a couple of moves in
the opening and sometimes you may have positions with only
one legal move, etc. Should you take 75 seconds on each of the
other moves? Of course not – some tactical positions may
require 5 or even (rarely) 10 minutes of thought, while a
developing move or recapture may only take 5-20 seconds. It is
important to take more time on moves which are likely to
decide the game – taking 3 minutes to decide which Rook to
move to d1 in the opening and then leaving yourself only 2
minutes to play the entire endgame is just silly. If it looks like
the game is going to be a long one, start speeding up; if the
game is sharp and it looks as though someone will probably be
up a piece at move 25, slow down and try to raise the
probability that it will be you up a piece – hopefully you can
play a little quicker and still win once you are way ahead (if
not, refer to last month’s Novice Nook). If you roughly estimate
the time per move a few times you probably never have to do it
again – you will learn to pace yourself just from experience. At
the very least, when playing over-the-board write down your
remaining time after each move: if it looks like you have lots of
time, slow down, and if looks as though you are running out of
time, start to speed up. Simple advice, but it works!
● 3. Your opponent’s previous move should never contain any
“secrets”! If you take your time and look around, sometimes
you might be surprised at how it changed the position and what
kind of measures you should be considering.
● 4. Play each move and each game with pride, care, and
optimism:
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Pride because your game represents your
accomplishment, and each move should be a
representation of the best thoughts you have about the
position, which you are hopefully proud to show
everyone.
Care because without care you probably won’t be so
proud. Examples of playing with care: taking your time,
looking for the total effect of your opponent’s moves,
creating a PV of at least 3 (on most moves) and, “If you
see a good move – look for a better one!”
Optimism because chess is a mental game and if you
feel you are going to make bad moves or play a bad
game you will probably make it a self-fulfilling
prophecy! In the first game that I ever played a master
my thoughts were not “I am probably going to lose,” but
rather “I’ll do the best I can and see what happens.” I
won.
● 5. Use a “Sanity Check” before making each move. A sanity
check is easily defined for over-the-board play: after you decide
on your move, write it down and take a deep breath or close
your eyes for a second. Then take a fresh look at the board and
say to yourself, “Is my planned move insane? Will the piece be
safe? Am I just missing an easy checkmate - for me or him?
Can someone just capture a Queen instead?” etc. If you then
still don’t see anything, make your move and hit your clock. On
the Internet, a similar thing can be tried – once you have
decided on your move, then close your eyes for second and
then do the sanity check.
● 6. Tactics is the science of chess safety. You can go a long way
being careful and just concentrating on two things: safety and
activity. And these two are really related because you keep
pieces safe so that they can do something and you if pieces are
not doing anything it is almost as if they were not safe and you
lost them. You will be surprised what your army can do when it
is safe and all the pieces are doing something.
● 7. Unless you are really good already, don’t fool yourself into
thinking you don’t need to do any of this. If you never make a
bad mistake in a slow game, maybe you are that good already.
But I have a hunch that a high percentage of my readers would
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be much better if they just paced themselves better and played
more carefully than if they study 100 more opening books.
After I wrote the initial “Secret to Real Chess” article I got email from all over the world saying things similar to, “Thanks!
In 20 years I never realized what it took to play good chess, and
now I do.” Of course, knowing what to do is not at all the same
as doing it.
A caveat: Will doing all the above make you an expert or master? Not
very likely! If it were that easy, then lots of players would be really
good. All that other stuff with openings, endgames, positional play,
planning, combinations, etc. is still required to attain high level play. It
is just that without instigating “real chess” and decent time
management, none of the other stuff will matter much. As logicians
like to say, “It is necessary but not sufficient.” Once you are
consistently careful and want to improve steadily, finding a good
instructor will help you learn the “good” stuff better and more
efficiently. No one ever got real good without any help – and no book
can look at a game you played and tell you what you are doing wrong
(but if it is a tactical mistake, using a software program can identify
those errors.)
Note to those who believe that learning opening lines is more
important than understanding opening principles: if your opponent
takes you out of your book and you first thought is not just to complete
your development – including castling – then maybe you should take a
couple of hours to review those principles instead of several dozen
hours to learn another opening line. Many of my students know their
openings better than I know them -and they must have spent a lot of
hours learning them - but then are at a complete loss when their
opponent inevitably varies. I got my rating up to 1900 before I learned
a great deal about specific opening lines and so did many other strong
players, but almost all of us knew quite a bit about tactics and general
opening principles, and we all played carefully on each move.
Last Month's Novice Nook: If someone asked me “What would be
your most likely 7th common chess state?” it would be a queenless
middlegame – can you think of some guidelines for that one?
Saavedra
Sometimes when I write a “talky” column, I like to throw in a problem
or a question from a reader (please e-mail!) to end on a lighter note. In
an early Novice Nook, I showed what might be the three most famous
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Chess Tips
What can chess be compared to, and why?
Life. In chess I use psychology, logical thinking, preparation and such important skills as dealing with losing and winning and overcoming my own mistakes. It requires creativity, critical thinking and much more.
"To me chess is like life itself," Polgar says. "Chess is combining, so many important qualities in life, such as concentration, focusing and planning ahead, and taking into account the people around you, and precision, and research, and psychology, and time management, and a number of other very important life skills that we deal with on an everyday basis. I believe chess teaches you to be more responsible."
Important things to keep in mind before each move....
Chess Tips:
1. Chess is 90% Pshycology.
2. Daily Tactics Practice.
chesstempo, chess.com, chess.emerald, chessgames.com (openings)
3. If you see a good move, look for better one..
4. 1. Look for your opponent's checks, captures, and threats.
2. The more you are winning, the more you need to think defense first.
Black doesn't need another pawn. He only had to see and stop that one
White threat
Chess Important Links...
Link to Judith Polger Interview....
http://www.chess.com/blog/SonofPearl/judit-polgar-interview
http://www.whatiwannaknow.com/2013/08/susan-polgar/
http://beginchess.com/2010/10/11/psychology-of-chess-weaknesses/
http://www.chess-game-strategies.com/index.html
http://www.qualitychess.co.uk/blog/?cat=12
http://www.chesscafe.com/text/real.pdf
Important Link
http://thechessworld.com/learn-chess/17-chess-how-tos/19-how-to-get-better-at-chess-guide-for-all-levels
http://www.chess.com/blog/SonofPearl/judit-polgar-interview
http://www.whatiwannaknow.com/2013/08/susan-polgar/
http://beginchess.com/2010/10/11/psychology-of-chess-weaknesses/
http://www.chess-game-strategies.com/index.html
http://www.qualitychess.co.uk/blog/?cat=12
http://www.chesscafe.com/text/real.pdf
Important Link
http://thechessworld.com/learn-chess/17-chess-how-tos/19-how-to-get-better-at-chess-guide-for-all-levels
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